To: Pensioners' Potter From: Wincle Community Police:
It has been brought to our notice that today, during one of the aforementioned 'potters', a car was left in a 'no parking' zone, in fact the only 'no parking' zone for miles, thereby blocking the delivery dray from accessing the local brewery and endangering the economy of the village. Our lines of inquiry have led us to a group of runners, last seen jogging down the River Dane, a group of 8 or 9 reprobates, not in their first flush of youth, who must have crossed the Dane at some point as our CCTV monitors (Photo attached) showed them on the weir.
Later cameras picked them up on the Gritstone Way, which we assume was their get-away route out of Staffordshire. They then disappeared from view and the only trace that we have is trampled grassland near Wincle Grange suggesting they had the audacity to trespass across private land to get back to their cars.
To confuse the situation, another group of older men, this time walking, were sighted heading out of Wincle Village towards the Wild Boar Public House. No CCTV images have been obtained from this group. Reports are coming in from Blaze Farm that a rather rumbustious party came in for refreshments later in the morning but no association between the various groups has yet been established.
Meanwhile the offending car has been removed and the beer delivery vehicle was able to gain access. Inquiries have now ceased and the matter is considered closed but we feel that your members should be aware of the incident.
PC Plodder, Danebridge Community Police Constable.
(ED), It’s been brought to our attention that the miscreant who dumped his small blue car in a most dangerous manner, so as preventing deliveries to the brewery is now know to us and, it may be in his interest to come clean, or we may have to spill the beans to the boys in blue.
In situations like these a delicate hand needs to be applied and a little silver would go a long way to relieve the situation. Unless, of course, the culprit proves somewhat difficult and unwilling to negotiate. In that instance we’d feed Phil to the lions and leave it to them to paw over.